Thursday, February 17, 2011

Dungeon Mastering for 9-year olds

Things you find yourself saying when DMing for 9-year olds.

No dice stacking.
No pog stacking.
Don't try to stack miniatures, either.
No,  I don't have an elf miniature throwing a spear; I'm sorry you think that miniature sucks.
Could you stop rolling all your dice over and over again?
Put up your hand to ask a question.
No drumming with your hands, please.
Pencils aren't drumsticks either.
Try to roll your dice *on* the table.
Quick, get your dice off the floor before the dog gets it.
The dog got your dice.
Please stop tearing chunks off your character sheet.
Who's kicking the table?
Ahem.  No dice stacking, remember?
Someone's kicking the table again.
Careful with the water pitcher… uh.  You did it.  You swamped your character sheet.

Also, my son decided to start his own blog.  Chronicles of Nogal.  He just turned 9, so we have plenty of work to do with basic gammar, but he's getting pretty good at typing.  Here are his thoughts on the recent kid's game:

Kids game part 1
Kids game part 2


  1. So true. Here are some more:

    Kitten is not a character class.
    No you can't buy a pet grizzly bear.
    Yes kittens cost 1 gp.
    Sure your rations can be made of pork and beans.
    Don't blacken the numbers on the dice with a pencil.
    No sucking on the dice.
    Um, suuure, you can cast a "stinking cloud" at the goblin.
    If you're playing, please sit down.
    I think you've had enough soda already.
    You don't have to yell, I'm sitting right here.
    Who did that!? Whoo, someone open a window.
    Please don't bend the sword back into position to "fix" the mini.
    Don't throw dice at the minis.
    No you can't use the 20 you rolled five minutes ago. Please roll again.
    OK the kitten lands on the goblin's head and bites him on the ear!
    You want the kitten to make a "stinking cloud"?
    Guys. Guys! GUYS! Settle down. Now, where were we?

    You roll the wheel of fortune for the 8th time, and are struck dead.
    The wheel stops and your new character dies.
    Hey you rolled pretty good stats. Guess you'll avoid the wheel now, huh?
    What is this, your seventh character now?
    Oh no, the wheel of fortune is broken!

  2. I have yet to run a game for kids as an adult, me crazy, but it's on my gaming bucket list, for sure.

    Your son's blog is a hoot. He's got great taste in music! ;)

  3. NO DICE STACKING? Heck, I'd be kicked out for sure.

    - Ark

  4. Um...I've been in games where most of those comments were directed at 19- to 29-year-olds.

  5. Mike's awesome list got me thinking of a few more:

    No, I don't think the villagers would let your charmed [insert evil humanoid here] stay with you at the inn.

    I love how kids think in terms of cartoon strategy:

    Yes, you can try using your cloak like a bullfighter to make the monster run head first into the wall.
    Yes, you can try splashing oil on the floor to make the charging monsters slide.

  6. Excellent, very funny and good when they start young.

  7. Yes, Corgi is a valid race. (It is. See Tower of The Archamge)

    No, making a bomb out of your oil flask won't work. It won't seal well enough (Discussed with others, as I was going to try that)

    Yes, your character can drink Falsewater and then gut himself when he gets swallowed by the dragon.

    Yep, the Dust cantrip allows you to move it into the enemies heart.